1 - Video

[barewicked]

[Video clicks on, to reveal a skinny young man in his mid twenties. His eyes are wide and darting, and he wears an expression of deep concentration, right up until he realises he's broadcasting. Then, he becomes animated:]

Yo! I got some words for your Admiral here! I know I'm not dead, and I would remember if I'd been nicked, so you got no right hauling me in, man, no right!

[He keeps glancing off screen as he says this, as if he's expecting someone to enter his cabin at any time.]

Look, this isn't even my yard, all right? I was staying with a mate - a couple of mates, actually - so you've just gone and jacked their place out from under them, haven't you? Nicked right off with it and stuck it on your stupid boat! So where are they going to live, eh? You just made two innocent people homeless, mate, so who's the villain now?

[He puts one hand on his hip, apparently waiting for an answer. He manages to go about thirty seconds before giving an unhappy huff and putting his hand on his stomach.]

Bare starving as well. It's a fucking joke, this is.

Comments

tiny short threadjack

[tucky]

So I ain't imagining this, right?

[New guy is in fact your clone, right?]

[maced_eggs]

Not so far as I can tell, Tiff.

Don't you say a word.

[tucky]

[She grins and mimes zipping her lips, then cuts the feed.]

[barewicked]

Just so you know, if you two are talking about my striking resemblance to the fit one in Twilight, I've heard it a million times.

crying

[tucky]

... Fuck, you do.

Like a lot; wow.

[barewicked]

I've just got one of those faces. One of those international heart throb faces.

[tucky]

Well, you're like... scruffier. He was all prettied up in the movie, with the fancy clothes and the hair and the sparkly skin.

[barewicked]

Yeah, well, some of us are pretty enough just as we are.

[tucky]

But you're scruffy, not pretty. Not that that's a bad thing.

[maced_eggs]

What? No. We're not. What the fuck's Twilight, then?

[barewicked]

Twilight is Twilight, mate! Been bloody everywhere for the last four years.

Take one innocent teenage girl, one sexy tortured vampire, give them an unquenchable lust for each other, and bam! You've got a worldwide sensation, three book and movie deal, and a generation of teen girls who are into biting.

I guess you don't get new releases here then?

[maced_eggs]

...I've no idea what the fuck you're on about. But it sounds terrible.

[barewicked]

It is, but looking like the fit vampire in it's done well for me, hasn't it? So don't knock it.

[maced_eggs]

Not another bloody vampire. We've just got rid of the last one.

[barewicked]

It's a film, you div. You can tell just by looking at me I'm not a vampire...

...On account of how vampires sparkle like diamonds in the sunlight.

[maced_eggs]

....They fuckin' well do not. You jus' made that up.

Re: tiny short threadjack

[barewicked]

What?

[tucky]

Nothing!

[barewicked]

Oi! I know not nothing when I see it!

[tucky]

Okay, nothing bad, then.

[barewicked]

So it is something?

[Private]

Go on, tell me. Who says Mr Giddy Aunt needs to know?

[private]

[tucky]

Nah, he said "not a word", so I'm gonna say not a word.

But it really ain't much; we ain't making fun of you or nothing, don't worry.

And his name's Mason.

[private]

[barewicked]

C'mon, just tell me!

If you tell me, I'll tell you anything you like. One free question, for use whenever you like, and no lies.

[This is a much more generous offer from him than you might realize, Tiffany.]

[private]

[tucky]

I said I wouldn't, and I'm a girl of my word.

[private]

[barewicked]

You didn't really say you wouldn't. You just did a bit of charades that implied you wouldn't.

Come on, I'm an interesting guy. Lots of fascinating facts and only one way to unlock them for sure...