1 - Video

[barewicked]

[Video clicks on, to reveal a skinny young man in his mid twenties. His eyes are wide and darting, and he wears an expression of deep concentration, right up until he realises he's broadcasting. Then, he becomes animated:]

Yo! I got some words for your Admiral here! I know I'm not dead, and I would remember if I'd been nicked, so you got no right hauling me in, man, no right!

[He keeps glancing off screen as he says this, as if he's expecting someone to enter his cabin at any time.]

Look, this isn't even my yard, all right? I was staying with a mate - a couple of mates, actually - so you've just gone and jacked their place out from under them, haven't you? Nicked right off with it and stuck it on your stupid boat! So where are they going to live, eh? You just made two innocent people homeless, mate, so who's the villain now?

[He puts one hand on his hip, apparently waiting for an answer. He manages to go about thirty seconds before giving an unhappy huff and putting his hand on his stomach.]

Bare starving as well. It's a fucking joke, this is.

Comments

[maced_eggs]

...I've no idea what the fuck you're on about. But it sounds terrible.

[barewicked]

It is, but looking like the fit vampire in it's done well for me, hasn't it? So don't knock it.

[maced_eggs]

Not another bloody vampire. We've just got rid of the last one.

[barewicked]

It's a film, you div. You can tell just by looking at me I'm not a vampire...

...On account of how vampires sparkle like diamonds in the sunlight.

[maced_eggs]

....They fuckin' well do not. You jus' made that up.

[barewicked]

Nah, they do, man. Everyone knows it. Ask your mate Tiff, she knows.

[maced_eggs]

She's not my mate, Tiff. An' only I can call her Tiff. You've not earned the right, you smarmy bastard.

[barewicked]

You know, for a man who only stuck his head into this post to talk shit about me in fucking code with his bird, you aren't half fucking rude.

If you and her are a thing, you only have to tell me and I'll leave it, you twat.

[maced_eggs]

We're a bleeding thing.

Knob.

[barewicked]

She wouldn't go for me anyway, then, on account of her clearly having bare shit taste in men.

[maced_eggs]

What'd you say, mate?

[barewicked]

You going deaf? I think I said you're shit, didn't I?

[maced_eggs]

You don't know who the fuck you're messing with.

[barewicked]

Yeah, you're fucking terrifying. I've pissed off gods and shagged wizards, mate, and they don't bother with all that hype.

[maced_eggs]

Aye, yeah, that might be true.

But you're talking to a bleeding inmate whose lovely warden gave him his powers back last week. Meanwhile you're powerless, no matter what the fuck else you are.

Best not piss me off.

[barewicked]

Your powers? Who calls what they can do that? What are you, fucking Spiderman?


I am talking to a proper wanker, mate, who can't fucking deal with his girlfriend innocently chatting with another man. I don't care if you can spit bullets or what, I reckon you're an insecure little man, and you ain't anythin' like as scary as you think you are.

1/2

[tucky]

We are?

[tucky]

-- I mean, yeah. Yeah, we are.

3/3 I lied

[tucky]

... I know you two ain’t the same person. I was just joking about that.

[And she feels bad, because truthfully, she had been flirting with Zach a little bit. Not with any serious intentions, but in a way she wouldn’t have if she had known Mason thought of them as “a thing”. Whatever that meant in this context. She still isn't sure.]

I'm just getting a drink with him, like I do with people sometimes. Ain't doing anything else. You're right-- I like him, you know, in the way that maybe me and him could become friends.

But he's not you.

[maced_eggs]

...Right. You go on, have a drink with him. Doesn't matter. Why would it matter?

[Mason, you are ugly when you're spitting jealous]

[tucky]

Mason.

[maced_eggs]

Whut?

[tucky]

Come on, I'm being serious. I mean it, what I said.

You know how I feel about you.

[maced_eggs]

...S'fair. I wasn't jealous.

[tucky]

-- Couldn't help but notice you was letting him call you my boyfriend. More than once, even. That mean that if people asked, you'd want me to say I'm your girlfriend?