1 - Video

[barewicked]

[Video clicks on, to reveal a skinny young man in his mid twenties. His eyes are wide and darting, and he wears an expression of deep concentration, right up until he realises he's broadcasting. Then, he becomes animated:]

Yo! I got some words for your Admiral here! I know I'm not dead, and I would remember if I'd been nicked, so you got no right hauling me in, man, no right!

[He keeps glancing off screen as he says this, as if he's expecting someone to enter his cabin at any time.]

Look, this isn't even my yard, all right? I was staying with a mate - a couple of mates, actually - so you've just gone and jacked their place out from under them, haven't you? Nicked right off with it and stuck it on your stupid boat! So where are they going to live, eh? You just made two innocent people homeless, mate, so who's the villain now?

[He puts one hand on his hip, apparently waiting for an answer. He manages to go about thirty seconds before giving an unhappy huff and putting his hand on his stomach.]

Bare starving as well. It's a fucking joke, this is.

Comments

[tucky]

Well, probably he isn't.

But I'm gonna stop flirting with you too now, even a little bit.

[barewicked]

So he's so insecure that you can't even go for a drink without him giving you grief, and you're so insecure that you go from being a free and easy single lady, to being all tied up and off the market just because he told someone else that he felt like you were a thing?

He didn't even say it to you, and suddenly you're rethinking whether you're allowed to flirt with me.

That's pretty weak.

[tucky]

Hey. Hey. You got it all wrong, okay? I wasn't really on the market, and it ain't about who I'm allowed to flirt with. It's just-- it's fucking complicated, okay? I wasn't even going to try to do anything with you, I was just thinking-- hey, if Mason don't like me the way I like him, maybe I'll flirt with this other cute guy. Just for fun.

I'm not insecure.

[tucky]

hes fucking calling us weak and pathetic and shit im calling him names forever now

[babyfacedkiller]

Nobody's gonna drag you down to your dungeon room, but you still gotta sleep. And I wouldn't recommend the common room couches -- you just never know if some dipshit decided to have a private party on one of those. You'll want to be behind lock and key when you're sleepin', anyway, with some of the people we got here.

[And if he knew he was inspiring visions of Mickey Mouse, then Jesus Christ, he might run into a small crisis of identity. If he was two-dimensional, Lloyd would be of the Looney Tunes school of cartoon characters, about as wholesome as Porky Pig with his shameless lack of pants-wearing, and as lucky as any of the poor fuckers on the wrong side of the fence: Sylvester, Elmer Fudd, good ole Wile E., those guys. These days he dresses and smells a little nicer than he used to, even without body spray abuse, and he's learned to act a little more respectable, but he's hardly Mickey Fucking Mouse.]

I did all kinds of shit. Did time for possession, petty theft, dealin' stolen goods, nothing too big. [As for the eight counts of armed robbery and felony murder... well he'll just totally neglect to mention those.] I just used to get in a lot of trouble, when I was younger. Didn't really have anything better to do.

[maced_eggs]

...Right. You go on, have a drink with him. Doesn't matter. Why would it matter?

[Mason, you are ugly when you're spitting jealous]

[maced_eggs]

Fine by me, Tiff.

[tucky]

Mason.

[maced_eggs]

Whut?

[tucky]

Come on, I'm being serious. I mean it, what I said.

You know how I feel about you.

[maced_eggs]

...S'fair. I wasn't jealous.

[tucky]

-- Couldn't help but notice you was letting him call you my boyfriend. More than once, even. That mean that if people asked, you'd want me to say I'm your girlfriend?

[maced_eggs]

I'm not here to define you, Tiff. You can do as you please, you're an independent woman and I'm not here to box you in.

[tucky]

For fuck's sake Mason, why can't I just know what you want? 'Cause I don't got any idea. I thought you was just interested in sex, so I was thinking, "Okay, that's fine, but I should probably flirt with other people to try and get over him a little bit". But then you get all offended, and I don't want to offend you. I am just trying to do the right thing here, but I don't even know what that is.

[maced_eggs]

...M'not bloody offended.

[tucky]

... Fine.

Thought maybe you liked me for a second, is all.

[maced_eggs]

'Course I like you.

Date him, then. I don' mind, you do what you like. S'not a bloody thing.

[tucky]

I don't want to date him, I want to date you!

[... Oops, that is not something she was actually planning on saying.]

But if. You don't want to, I still want to be the thing we are now.

[maced_eggs]

...Bloody hell, Tiff. What the fuck happened to 'uncomplicated'?

[tucky]

Nothing; nothing happened to it. That's what the second part of what I said is for; you don't like me in that way, and that's fine. I like being what we are.

But you don't get to keep me on reserve forever, then; that ain't fair at all.

[maced_eggs]

Wait, who the fuck said I didn't like you? In what way?

M'not keeping you on reserve. Look, we're up in this man's post, an' as much as I don't care for him, he's got a right not to be bothered by all this. Can't we talk someplace else?

[tucky]

... Yeah. I'm coming to your room.

[And she does.]

[barewicked]

Well, it's a big ship, isn't it? I'm sure I can find someone who won't mind me crashing on his couch, yeah?

[Oh, did Zach say his couch? He meant their couch. Whoever the person he finds may be. Not that he's making designs on anyone, or anything like that. He nods cheerfully at the list of crimes though.]

Load of shit, getting locked up for stuff as small as that. It's not like anyone's hurting anyone by carrying drugs or passing shit on. They should just give you, like, community service, shouldn't they? [He says this like he's not even sure that they should do that much. Everything Lloyd has listed is just the harmless kind of shit you did to get bye.]

[babyfacedkiller]

I bet you could, but I'd be careful about who you spend the night with. We got all sorts here, some real heavy hitters. Bad guys from fuckin' comic books, if you can believe it. So don't go trusting just anybody -- you don't want to wake up with chunks of you missing.

[It doesn't really occur to him to offer his own room to crash in. They've only just met and Lloyd's not in the habit of lending out his surprisingly awesome couch to strangers, no matter how much effort they invest into disguising their body odor.]

Community service, Christ. [He gives a little chuckle.] That's what they give the movie stars who run over their neighbor's pooch. Guys like you and me, we're a hell lot less likely to get just a slap on the wrist, you know?

[He feels comfortable enough slapping them with the same label, since weed-smoking, former ward-of-the-state Zach reminds him a hell lot of the kind of guys he used to hang out with, the only real difference being the accent and the occasional weird slang.]

[barewicked]

[Zach nods, his eyes still darting around the corridor ahead, staying attentive to where they're headed.]

Ain't exactly new to hanging around dangerous people, but I guess in London there's more space to run when things go tits up and they're looking for someone to blame for it. [He gives Lloyd a sidelong glance, and a lopsided grin.] So yeah, trust no one. Advice for life, that is, my friend.

[Zach is completely full of shit, of course. He decided within about twenty minutes of meeting Lloyd, that he was going to trust and affectionately exploit the guy, and take whatever else comes, as it comes.]

Man, doing serious time for that kind of shit is purely an American thing. All that mega-prison, lock up the whole population bullshit, innit? [Zach clearly isn't offended by being lumped in with Lloyd as a petty criminal. It seems legit.] Nah, they can't afford that shit in England. They'd rather have the free labour out of you.